oh hey. can we go inside now?

Halitron Toeses got her first trip to the vet today. It went well.

oh hey, is there something on my head?

As a reward we went for a long strollies in a new park – Forest Hills, I think – it was such a lovely morning how could we not stop and celebrate her clean bill of health with a fun adventure?

Hali, outstanding in her field

All the peeps at the Vet absolutely adored Hali. She behaved really really well, and it’s always reassuring when professionals express confidence in your ‘nimal.
(2:36p – Dry the Rain by The Beta Band)

A wonderful day – 73 degrees, heading to a high of only 77 today – yay! I do so love the weather of Fall, though I have to admit there seems to be a portent of ‘stormy’ as I glance down the path that winds past the days of yore … Boo’s been a trooper, and in reviewing words I scribbled from the past 12 months our friends and families have been sooooooo amazing.

How ever will I say ‘thank you’? Do you / they know how much we’re able to stand because of the support? hmmm…
(3p – Mr. Wendel by Arrested Development)

But are these the thoughts I need to type here, now? I’ve got only this tab in the FireFox window – nothing else; even made the FF window full screen! and still … my laser like focus is not happening.
perhaps that is normal; being able to focus and knock out lots and lots of productivity might be the ‘odd’ behavior … probably not, though.

How about another pic of Hali?

tuckered out in the back seat

Went into the worm hole of Avid ID registration. sigh.

(3:27p – The National sings Fake Empire)  {{ … most painful beautiful …}}

+++below are ramblings – probably not worth your time – look at my pup and smile+++

+++No. Really. I hesitate to even push publish on this stuff … and thus, this break. Go find things to make you smile.+++

+++I often type in cryptic notation – what’s below is raw, unpolished heart-spillage and it’s … probably not uplifting to anyone besides me. Why I just don’t cut and past it into my OneNote I do not know.+++

+++really? ok … but know this. It’s a mess in here. Tidy enough, liveable definitely, but still not something you open the door to your new neighbors and say ‘come on in, let me get you a drink. Have you heard of Krupnikas? it’s a Durham spirit – quite tasty, really…’ +++

::s::

I read my typings, scribblings, drippings and droppings in my OneNote journal; both to clarify the dates of the past events, but additionally ’cause boo made a stormy observation – in pursuing the loss, perhaps I was not holding value to what was lost.

hope + dreams

I’ll plead poorly skilled, but her insight … well, she’s a great woman with an amazing heart. Loss. In reflecting it seems that the hope, hopefullness, excitement was counter-weighed by the pain, the shock, the cascade into even more pain and loss and shock. When I noticed that we we could still get up out of bed it was – at least to me – such an achievement, to not have dropped into an endless fall into a bottomless abyss … the overwhelming love and support and hands to hold giving us the ability to stand once more under the open sky, under the warming sun and guiding moon & stars, I never looked back. why would I then?

Probably for good reasons, but perhaps lending to a poor focus for this years passage into ‘those months’ – perhaps this is the way we all should go, distracted and un-focused on the important things. Look – shiny!!

{3:44p – Alive by Empire of the Sun on KEXP, a request for a song that served as an anthem in the face of the loss of a mother}{followed by Today by the Smashing Pumpkins}

Hi. My name’s Scott. It’s been a year now since the news – since the truth that life was going to change completely – came to Boo and I. I truly hope that my ‘mature’ handling of the potential excitement and dizzying terror of that news was truly from my years and wisdom and maturity, not the hellhole of my fear-based lifestyle (oh fear – why did I choose YOU??) – and I might just think that I was robbed of the chance to climb the height to see the incredible future Boo and I could have had. But I did not. Joyful, looking up and forward, but not jumping for joy. Not crazy intense focus where all is immediately shelved and the new life is put on for the world to see. No. Caution. Cautious rebel my ass, I’m just afraid of pain.
Seems, though, you might want to grab the happy while it’s about. The pain is inevitable, though survivable.
Sigh.

Does anyone really want to read or hear this? If you’re down here, thank you. If you don’t think I appreciate the attention, fret not – I am no solitary ranger leading battle against the forces preparing to overwhealm us. No, I am but a man, with friends and family, good ones, ones I truly appreciate. So thanks.

Of course, is the pain any more severe if you fall from a greater height? … caution or fear? huh.

{3:52p – Show Me from Mint Royal into I’m Free by the Soup Dragons – John does know what the hell he’s doing, doesn’t he?}

September. October. November. Tough times that I heft the weight of onto my shoulders, and stand up as tall as I can … bearing up under the pressure I hope, to prove that I’m here, that I’m tough. Kinda puts a crimp in escaping into the ether, leaving a technicolor spectactical of rainbows and shooting stars and fireworks and absinthe tinged fairies chasing fireflys who circle Tinkerbell while angels play rock and roll music. Nope. I’m just proud to be standing.
Need to realize … I’m free. To do what I want. … what ever that might be. Hmmm…

Ok – should I sign off here? should I keep purusing where these words and thoughts are taking me? share the aches and pains of getting some internet cooties the day after mickeymatt says ‘huh, emails from me with links to poland, eh? no – that’s not me..’ … of the weird feelings that school, though excellent, might not be taking me to a place where I can stand all shiny with my new awesomeness – a fear that I’m spinning my wheels in a playground sandbox that doesn’t get me anywhere I haven’t already been before? wait – can I express my fears? no – I shouldn’t do that…

{if you have your heart/head set on something, DO IT (says John, a lesson learned from his parents)}

{4:05p -run – snow patrol … sigh}
ciao,

}S{ | dona nobis pacem |

“Keep Calm and Carry On” or “Keep Calm … and Cupcakes!”

{{2:20p + 19Sep2013 = Thurrrrrrrrrsday || KEXP archive plays ‘Not In Love’ by Crystal Castles f. Robert Smith}}